Slutty stint or public protest of Thanksgiving pumpkin slaughter? YOU be the judge!
This unabashed act of indecency was spotted on one of my recent jaunts to Henderson. The pumpkin who locals call, “Mona” shamelessly put one of her many orifices to use with an unidentified ghost seen fleeing soon afterward in a white van with no windows. No word on if this was simply a slutty and desperate stint by the pumpkin to get free icing for her suicidal pie or if it was part of her “Vote no on Thanksgiving Campaign” she fruitlessly leads each autumn, but police are investigating. No word yet on if either of them will be facing charges for their public lewdness. The Angiechrist™ has tried to reach out to both parties and has received no comment.
A chagrined onlooker (who wished to remain nameless after witnessing the incident), states that “after a few spiced lattes Mona is known to act a little strange,” and that “locals are starting a petition to have her permanently barred from the food court.”
Mel Strumbacher, a local farmer that met her on farmersonly.com and rents a room to Mona from time to time has more understanding and nothing but pity for the melon who seems to be out of her gourd. “She’s a really nice gal but she gets a little snippy before Thanksgiving every year, it’s her trigger mechanism I guess.” He shakes his head. “Can you blame her? People always be chasing her and threatening her life, and what not. She has to live on the lam for weeks until the whole craze dies down. It’s a hardship.”
By the look on her face she’s experiencing more “hardship” that Mr. Strumbacher realizes. Hardship, indeed.